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The radical trans agenda being foisted upon children in schools today is part of the unconventional war that’s being waged against humanity at large.

It’s so awful, sometimes, you’ve just got to laugh – and comedians, Cassady Campbell and Alex Stein are here to help.

This sketch might seem over the top but there are an endless amount of TikTok videos posted by trans kindergarten teachers that are similar to and even more extreme than this mock TV news interview.

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MARTY EPSTEIN: Hi, I’m your host, Marty Epstein and welcome to Marty Epstein Tonight. If you didn’t know by now, there is an attack on our gay teachers here, in America. Apparently, some people find it offensive if a teacher who happens to be gay wants to talk about his sex life to his class.

This, alone is a threat to our democracy and more overwhelming evidence showing how disgustingly homophobic America truly is: Recently, school teacher, Edward Lindsay was fired for telling his First Grade class the details of what he did on his gay cruise with his boyfriend, Eduardo, who’s not only gay but he’s also a minority, which makes this not only homophobic but also racist. Joining us now is former elementary school teacher, Edward Lindsay.

EDWARD LINDSAY: Thank you so much, Marty for having me. It’s such an honor. You’re my favorite TV personality. Me and my husband, Eddie, we watch you every day. Eduardo really loves you.

MARTY EPSTEIN: Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate that, Edward. So, what was your initial reaction when you found out you lost your job?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Shock. Disbelief. I was depressed. I was embarrassed and for the reason that I lost my job was absolutely absurd. I love my kids. I’ve helped multiple kids transition. I’ve helped multiple kids come out of the closet. I’ve been more important to these kids lives than some of their parents and for me to lose my job was the most stressful and worst thing to ever happen to me.

MARTY EPSTEIN: So, the report said that you were fired for telling your first grade class the details of what you did on your gay cruise with your boyfriend, Eduardo. Would you mind telling us those details?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Well, to be honest yeah, I don’t mind telling you, at all. I told the class. But it was it was just it was a very small thing. Eduardo had ordered a digital butt plug online that hooked to an app on his cell phone and we were currently on a gay cruise and randomly on the cruise, he would press the button and the butt plug would make me ejaculate and I thought this is important, because I want to teach these children about ejaculation.

And apparently, some white supremacist parent said that this subject was too taboo to speak about with children, which I couldn’t disagree with more.

MARTY EPSTEIN: I apologize for that. That is a tragedy and those details are amazing, though. Why do you feel that parents were so mad that you told their kids what you did on your gay cruise? Do you think it’s homophobia, is it whiteness or would you say it’s a combination of both of those things?

EDWARD LINDSAY: I would say, Marty that it’s a combination of both but it’s mainly white supremacy, because it’s white supremacists that are ruining this country. It’s white supremacists that make it not okay to be gay. It’s white supremacists that want to limit abortions.

Every single problem that we currently have in this country can be traced back to white supremacy.

MARTY EPSTEIN: Absolutely. Homophobia – where does it come? From white supremacy. There’s actually several studies on that and you can fact-check it. What’s the craziest thing that a parent has ever done to you?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Ah, let me think. Oh, I remember. There is what this white supremacist couple, they walk in for a parent-teacher conference and they were mad that I was wearing a thong.

MARTY EPSTEIN: That’s disgusting!

EDWARD LINDSAY: Yeah – of them, because this was a Dolce –

MARTY EPSTEIN: It was – you have every right to wear your thong!

EDWARD LINDSAY: Of course! It was a Dolce&Gabbana thong! It was a $1,200 thong! It was their most popular item of the Spring 2019 Collection! Anna Wintour sold this thong in Vogue magazine, herself – and these parents have no style, have no class and they’re all, like oh, haters! They’re haters!

MARTY EPSTEIN: White supremacy! Where does hatred come from? White supremacy, once again. Fact check it, go on Snopes right now

EDWARD LINDSAY: And you know this, Marty. White supremacists, they wear robes. Ugly, unflattering robes, so they can hide their big, fat ugly bodies. They’re ugly!

MARTY EPSTEIN: Absolutely. So, do you think that it should be normalized to teach kids about homosexuality?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Uh, normalized? It should be mandatory! Here, at the Freddie Mercury Daycare, our main lesson plan is homosexuality, because heterosexuality is based on white supremacy.

So, this isn’t a Klan meeting. This is a school where kids can learn and they can be supported and they can dress how they want to dress and every single day, we have a pizza party. We have a pizza party every day! It’s fun!

MARTY EPSTEIN: Yeah!

EDWARD LINDSAY: Oh my gosh! We always have leftover pizza!

MARTY EPSTEIN: How could somebody be mad at that? Oh my gosh, this is fun, this is a way to make school enjoyable! Why is there so much hatred from these parents? I don’t understand their thought process!

EDWARD LINDSAY: It’s donald trump’s fault! It’s all Donald Trump’s fault!

MARTY EPSTEIN: I couldn’t agree more! His tweets still give me PTSD, to this day! How soon do you think this will become the new normal?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Between you and me, it already is the new normal, because people that are anti-vaccine or anti-homosexuality, soon, are all going to be locked up in jail, because let me tell you something,

MARTY EPSTEIN: That’s where they belong!

EDWARD LINDSAY: That is where they belong, I believe. I think they belong in worse – they belong in solitary confinement and on an electric chair, if you ask me!

MARTY EPSTEIN: I couldn’t agree more with your point of view. Um, so what is your vision of the new normal? How do you envision the world?

EDWARD LINDSAY: I would like a vaccine for white supremacy. I would like a vaccine for HIV.

MARTY EPSTEIN: Well, we have that we have that already. Dr Fauci gave it to us.

EDWARD LINDSAY:  Yes, yes but the PrEP vaccine, it’s not approved for children, yet. We have to get these children on the HIV vaccine, because they’re going to be having sex earlier. That’s not me, that’s just the world we live in, because we’re more sexually free in this day and age. So, we got to protect our children. We got to protect our children, so I envision a world where we get a vaccine every single day.

MARTY EPSTEIN: So, why do you think parents aren’t willing to accept the new normal? I mean, shouldn’t they be going along with whatever society is doing?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Duh! But these are white supremacists! Just like my husband, Eduardo, he’s a Latino man. He’s hung like a small horse, ok?

MARTY EPSTEIN: Don’t get me excited, over here!

EDWARD LINDSAY: Well, it’s okay to be a little excited. I teach my children here and my students it’s okay to get excited. Actually, we encourage people to be excited. But what I’m saying is, I would have never been with a Latin stallion like Eduardo if i was my racist grandfather, Gunther. So this is what it is. It’s white supremacy, because once you open your eyes, there’s a lot of big ding-dongs out there for you to see.

MARTY EPSTEIN: Absolutely and before we go, can you tell us about the elephant in the room?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Of course. The elephant in the room is that I lost my job but what they say is, when one door closes, another one opens and as you can see, I opened up my own daycare center, the Freddie Mercury Daycare Center and here, I’m with children six months to five years old and here, it’s okay to be gay. It’s none of that Florida, Ron DeSantis white supremacy crap! We can do whatever we want every day! Pizza parties every day!

MARTY EPSTEIN: I will never set foot in Florida! Did you say pizza parties every day?

EDWARD LINDSAY: Every day, we have a pizza party!

MARTY EPSTEIN: So much fun! It’s so much fun! It just sounds like a party every day!

EDWARD LINDSAY: We listen to Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande and Lil Nas X and we get the kids and they take naps and when they take naps we just hang out and we have cameras and we take pictures.

MARTY EPSTEIN: Oh, it’s so much fun!

EDWARD LINDSAY: It’s so much fun! And we have photography classes for children and we can take pictures in the bathroom and it’s so cute!

MARTY EPSTEIN: It’s so much fun!

EDWARD LINDSAY: I just have such a good time. You know, like I said, I was so depressed and I was so sad but now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, Marty!

MARTY EPSTEIN: That is amazing! And you deserve every single bit of it! Now, would you be willing to let Dave Rubin um put his kid in your daycare?

EDWARD LINDSAY: 100%! Of course! We are we’re open and inclusive to everybody that wants to be here – except for white supremacists.

MARTY EPSTEIN: That is perfect! Thank you so much for uh coming on!

EDWARD LINDSAY: Thank you. (Gets up and walks away in his Jockey shorts).

Contributed by Alexandra Bruce

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