This is a spoof political ad for the Democrat Party that is very funny but also pretty much a plain statement of items, many of which I, as a former lifelong Democrat once believed were facts. It’s by comedienne, Allie on YouTube’s new pay channel CRTV, which produces regular shows with such wingnut luminaries as Steven Crowder, Michelle Malkin, Mark Levin, Eric Bolling, Gavin McInnes and Phil Robertson.
Hi, I’m a spokesperson for the Democratic Party and I’m here to tell you why you need to vote Blue this November.
Democrats are the party of love and tolerance. We promote inclusion and acceptance peace and goodwill.
Republicans don’t care about any of these things. They just want to talk about record unemployment, the economy and keeping communities safe. Fascists!
Democrats have positive practical priorities, like abolishing the Electoral College, eliminating Due Process and banning Hate Speech. These are the values of the American people…well, at least Americans that live in San Francisco and in New York.
Republicans often use fear-mongering rhetoric, like “Constitution” or “Liberty”.
Democrats condemn such language as divisive and instead focus on more unifying topics, like repealing the Second Amendment or kneeling for the National Anthem.
Democrats are the party of equality, so much so, that we insist upon unconditionally believing women and disbelieving men. Because, well, feminism. If you ask us who explain this logically, we will scream in your face and call you misogynist.
Republicans want to take away a woman’s sacred right to choose to have her child decapitated inside the womb and torn apart, limb by limb with forceps.
Democrats celebrate the right to violently murder your child because we’re compassionate.
Democrats believe that women are powerful and independent. They are also helpless victims of the Patriarchy, who require government intervention to succeed. Any woman who disagrees with us on this is a self-hating stupid bimbo.
And you know, it’s time someone was finally brave enough to say this: “Republicans are racist.”
Democrats have the same positive message for minorities that we have for women: “You’re a victim and you’re useful to us. If you disagree, we’ll insult your intelligence – but it’s for your own good.”
Republicans want to stop certain people from coming into this country. They cite the infiltration of gang violence or opioids or sex trafficking as reasons to stop illegal immigration but Democrats accept these as the natural consequences of opening up the borders, which of course is the more loving thing to do.
Democrats recognize that the key to a better tomorrow is to look forward not backward, that’s why we reject Capitalism and all of its greed and instead, vote for Socialism, which has worked so well, every time it’s been tried.
Democrats are the party of the common people, the poor and the marginalized, the weak and defenseless.
While Republicans promise freedom, we promise free stuff. That’s how we win over young people.
Our goal is to make the government work for you so you don’t have to work at all.
The Republicans are always pushing religion in our faces. We reject their bigotry. Religious people are idiots. Democrats would much rather you sacrifice yourself on the altar of Progressivism.
The truth is, as the party of empathy, we’re just better than everyone else. That’s why we spend so much time telling people who don’t align with our agenda that they’re not just wrong but that they’re bad people.
We still haven’t figured out that this condescension is what lost us the 2016 Election. Nevertheless, we’re confident that through censorship, emotional manipulation and continued bullying, that we will eventually get our way.
Why? Because we care about you. So much so, that we’re willing to wear you down until you fear getting silenced, doxxed or fired, because you don’t agree with our agenda. That’s love.
I’m the spokesperson for the Democratic Party. Vote for us in November.